You would think that kissing people for a living, or rather, in my case, for a dying, is all it is made up to be. But let me tell you, as someone who has been doing this for eternity, it is not.
It is a thankless job.
Yama sighed. “Why does it have to be a kiss, why could it not be a handshake or a high five?”
He pulled the blinds down and looked at the long line of spirits waited outside his door, each one holding a token like a line in an ice cream shop.
No one ever looks forward to my kiss and do they appreciate the approach I have mastered? No, they all have the same reaction; shock, denial, and ever so often, the audacity to look disgusted. I am not the bad guy here! You think I am immune to viruses? I have had the flu six times this millennium.
So here I am, lips cracked, patience thin, You call it kiss of death, I call it a regular Monday.
The door swung open and Aku popped his head in “The line is backed up all the way to the Styx You are gonna have to pick up the pace.”
Yama rolled his eye sockets. “Are you for real, DO. YOU. HAVE. ANY. IDEA. HOW. HARD. THIS. IS?” he bellowed “I am basically running an eternal kissing booth here!”
Aku shrugged. “You signed up it.”
Yama’s eyes or what should have been eyes flared as he made himself bigger.
“NO. I. DIDN’T”
He took a long breath, gathered himself, and tugged at his tattered black cloak which kept slipping off his bony shoulders. The cloak had seen been days, it had numerous small rips and patches, showing his reluctance to replace it. “No one signs up for this job!” His voice was softer now. “They just tell you to hold the scythe and keep smooching and I refuse to kiss anymore”
“Well, if it bothers you that much try something else, maybe make it efficient in the process ” Aku said and left without adding anything more to it.
Although his face was a skeletal structure, he managed to convey varying expressions of exasperation, weariness, and even a sense of humor. Death never lacked personality.
Yama blinked “Efficient?”
He drank deep from his mug. Of course, there was nothing in the mug to drink from. He had observed humans for a while and learned that they begin their morning with a thing called coffee and let out a satisfied “Ahh!” after the first sip. He somehow found this therapeutic.
The mug was chipped near the handle and a crack ran across its print
“Life is a highway, Exit Only”, it read.
No one knew how the mug had arrived in his possession, it had simply appeared on his desk a few hundred years ago.
He made it a habit to drink from it every day, finding some comfort in its odd humor.
He needed the “drink” he had been up all night, trying to figure out new efficient ideas.
He picked up his scythe, it was a classic, forged from a single piece of a rare cosmic metal, worn and a bit rusty from centuries of use. It had been his companion across realms, he once took great care of it and sharpened it daily, back when his work was up close and personal, before he got promoted to an office job.
Absentmindedly he pulled at the duct tape on the handle, he had applied himself to prevent the iron from biting into his bone, realizing his fidget, he smoothed the tape back into place. The scythe felt like an extension of him.
He opened his door to find Glenda, an petite elderly woman with a soft face and gentle smile.
“Hello, dear grim” She greeted warmly “I have been waiting for you”
Yama blinked. Not everyone greeted him so casually, let alone with a smile.
Glenda continued “Is there any chance you can get my cat and knitting tools too or will they be provide in heaven? Though I would still prefer to use my own.”
“You don’t get to take stuff with you” He looked at the line behind her, it was going to be a long day. “Anyway, Glenda, listen, I am trying something new. So instead of a kiss, I will just pat you on the back and say “‘you had a good run, sorry it is done” and you get to go on your merry way”
Glenda looked distraught “No kiss? I was told I would get my kiss of death, been a while since I was kissed by a gentle man”
Yama visible grimaced, “Trust me it is not all that it is made to be. I don’t have lips, neither am I a man nor I am to be attributed to gentle”
Glenda’s softness disappeared “You deny me, you bony bastard” she said, “I am going straight above to complain about this”
Yama peered into her soul, she wasn’t going above.
Weeks went by, Yama tried every method he could think. He tried blowing kisses, fist bumps, he even sent polite text messages with kissing emojis to few fortunate souls lucky enough to peacefully pass away in their sleep; nothing worked.
Aku stormed into the office “People are not happy about your latest revisions to the tradition”
Yama threw his hands up in exasperation.. “I am tired.”
He pointed to a massive hourglass sitting on a pedestal in the corner of his office.
Instead of sand, the hourglass was filled with tiny black skulls and as the dropped from the upper chamber to the lower one, the skulls dissipated into ash.
“Do you see that?” he barked, glaring at Aku. “Almost 150,000 kisses today! I had no vacation for the past 2000 years!”
Aku walked over and slammed his hands on the desk. “This is the job description, you knew what you were getting into! Also did you send a poop emoji to a 16yr old?”
Yama looked defensive. “I knew nothing! I was drafted into this. I am just a kiss carnival. I have needs too. That emoji was an error”
“Needs? Like what?” Aku raised an eyebrow, a look that would make most beings cower under the Devil’s stare. “The kid found it funny, his humor level is still rudimental”
Yama leaned back and looked longingly out the window. He could see Charon arguing with some poor souls about payment on the other side of the river “I don’t know. Maybe I would like someone to kiss me for a change.”
There was a stunned silence. Aku stammered, “Kiss you.. but.. Yama.. you are Death!”
Yama got up and walked to the window. His tall and slouched posture hinted at exhaustion more than menace. He ran a bony hand through his bleach white skull, another human habit he had mastered to imitate.
“I am always Death to them. Maybe someone could just see me as me, I too have feelings, you know?”
(To be continued)
Discover more from Ocean Nib
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.